When Signals Cross
This is a vulnerable story, and I was unsure about sharing it.
On a Tuesday afternoon this summer, I picked up my 8-year-old son Paxton from camp. A babysitter got my 10-year-old, Maceo, who finished a different camp at the same time, and brought him back to our neighborhood on the subway. I drove to the subway station with Paxton in the backseat. Unable to find a parking spot, I pulled over in a no parking zone and turned on my hazard lights. I saw Maceo and the babysitter looking for me further up the sidewalk. I got out of the car and walked toward them, leaving Paxton in his booster seat. I went only a few dozen feet from the car and returned in less than a minute. But that was all it took for a police officer to find my son sitting alone in an illegally parked car on a hot day.
She threatened to give me a summons, said she did not only because I had left the window open for him to breathe. She told me that my son “will never forget his mother neglecting him.” Paxton and I both burst into tears.
While her choice of language was hurtful, the police officer was doing her job. She had no way of knowing the extent of my devotion to my children, and being a loving, devoted mother does not put me above the law. I should not have parked where I did, and I should have asked Paxton to get out of the car with me. But what felt like small, innocent shortcuts at the end of a long day could have had dire consequences — and now it is an incident we will never forget.
Given how divisive our world is today, I think it’s useful to consider how quickly we come to judge each other. I am drawn to writing and reading memoir in large part because it offers understanding of someone else's perspective, even when we disagree or see things differently. Again and again, I come back to a book my mom once gave me called "The Four Agreements" that says suffering is reduced when we don't make assumptions and take nothing personally. (Also: Be impeccable with your word, and always do your best.)
Again and again, I am grateful for meditation as a centering practice when I'm thrown off course.
For most of August (Aug. 4-27), Mercury will be in retrograde. This is a time when signals are often crossed, prone to miscommunication and delay. (I didn't used to believe in this, but I have definitely felt the impacts of past Mercury retrogrades in my own life.)
I have added to the collection of my mom’s meditation recordings a practice that I love to access internal support when the external world is full of judgment and blame. It involves imagining a blade of grass as your spine, blowing in the wind when there are thoughts and stilling as the thoughts quiet. Then it moves into the visualization of a ball of light traveling slowly down the spine and back to the naval center. It is 19 minutes, and I’m calling it MEDITATION Grass & Light. For free access to Grass & Light and three dozen other meditation and breathing practices, subscribe to my monthly newsletter here.
To deep breaths and giving one another the benefit of the doubt…
Love,
Sara
What are the glimmers in your day?
Here is a simple mindfulness practice I've been loving lately to shift my energy: Notice the glimmers.
A glimmer is the opposite of a trigger. It's a synchronicity or everyday beauty or joy that you notice. Examples: A child's hand in yours. A sunrise. The moon. A chance meeting. Catching up with a friend. Playtime with a pet. Blooming flowers, A favorite meal. A walk. Bare feet in grass or sand.
When you see a glimmer, simply pause a moment to put your awareness on it. If you like you can say the word “glimmer” to yourself, or “thank you.”
As some of you know, I am also a huge fan of gratitude journaling. But while writing what you are grateful for takes at least a minute or two, noticing a glimmer takes no time at all.
What is a glimmer that you've noticed today? I’d love for you to hit reply and let me know.
A few other techniques that are resonating with me a lot right now:
Take 10 seconds to mentally scan your body from head to toe, asking the question, “How do I feel?” This just brings awareness to our physical and emotional state, making you less likely to neglect basic needs and more present in the midst of a busy day.
Tech breaks: After 20 minutes on a device, look up and blink 20 times and look far out a window for 20 seconds.
For more mindful speech, use the acronym WAIT:
Why
Am
I
Talking?