Am I A Fraud?
I'd like to point your attention to something we all could probably use right now. Of nearly 200 audio recordings that my mom left behind when she died, this is the one I have turned to more than any other for support in times of challenge and uncertainty. It is a reminder to keep going when I doubt myself and the world around me.
It's called the Inner Teacher Meditation, and it's in the collection of audio files that subscribers to my newsletter can access for free. (To subscribe and get free access, click here.)
My mom recorded the nine-minute Inner Teacher practice a few months before her cancer diagnosis, as though she was preparing herself for what lay ahead. "I can handle it," she says. "My higher self is stable and secure."
Did she want to handle a terminal illness? Of course not. But could she? Yes, with exceptional grace.
Her words feel especially resonant amid so much global unrest and on the eve of a presidential election causing considerable anxiety for virtually everyone in the United States. I write this having just read about ballot boxes destroyed by explosive devices. Our external environment is anything but stable and secure.
Deep breaths. No matter what happens, may we tap into our internal power to handle it.
Love,
Sara
My inner critic versus inner teacher: an ongoing debate
I wish this story were true: I used to have back pain, a torn rotator cuff, ripped hamstrings, insomnia and anxiety, but I’m all better now. I feel completely confident teaching yoga, movement and meditation to others since I’ve overcome all my own issues.
This story is true: Last month, my nervous system was activated in a major way by a perceived threat. Everything turned out fine, but in the midst of the experience, the mind-body connection was so clear: I felt the whole right side of my body contract, and my rotator cuff and hamstring injuries that had been under control no longer were. I had four or five nights of debilitating insomnia.
On top of that, I’m in the midst of hormone changes (hi, midlife) that seem to be keeping my shoulder and leg inflamed. I still struggle with insomnia, and now spiking glucose, too. A big part of me feels like a fraud sharing calming and therapeutic techniques. Yet the more I connect with others, the more I realize that I'm not alone in these struggles. Maybe the fraud is the one claiming to have it all figured out.
My inner critic debates my inner teacher, reminding me that I learn the most from those for whom everything is not easy. Challenges keep me a perpetual student — of the nervous system, the physical body and a variety of healing modalities — which gives me more to offer others. Anyway, a teacher is a guide, not a guru. Like everything, our bodies exist in pulsation between contraction and expansion, pain and healing. There is no strictly linear progression.
So humbly I continue to share what I know, a seeker alongside everyone else on a journey toward more ease and less struggle in this life.
Here are a few exercises and techniques resonating with me right now:
-- I find hip flexor strengthening really stabilizes my low back, and who couldn't benefit from a little balance work? Also, hip sloshing is a lovely low back release.
-- The WAIT acronym — Why Am I Talking? — is a great reminder to practice mindful speech, along with the Four Gates of Speech: Is it true, kind, necessary and the right time?